Congratulations!
You’re making progress with setting boundaries. You’re saying no to time-wasters and energy drains. You’re saying no to tasks and people who violate your principles or don’t contribute to your vision and goals.
Now, you see space opening up in your calendar and more mental bandwidth for what matters most.
So why aren’t you making more progress on your biggest goals? Why aren’t you saying yes to the things that you want?
Because you haven’t learned to stop self-sabotage, yet!
Here is a short story about hamburgers, sort of.
The Webers sign is a familiar milestone on the drive to Muskoka (aka cottage country.) On a long-weekend Friday, I’ve seen a hundred people in line waiting for a burger or hot dog. But, in the 40 years I’ve been making the drive past, I’d never stopped. I’d tell myself, “It’s too crowded. I don’t like to line up for food. Those hamburgers can’t be that good!”
And, then, inexplicably, I did stop.
I lined up, waited patiently and then ate the burger.
Was it good? No.
Was it worth it? Yes!!
The hamburger wasn’t the point.
Intercepting self-sabotage was.
The ‘reasons’ I hadn’t stopped over the years were self-sabotage. And, although this particular scenario is trivial, it’s part of a pattern of talking myself out of things I want to try. Letting my saboteurs say no, when I wanted to say yes.
Here’s what I’ve noticed in my work with nonprofit leaders: once you master boundaries and create time for your priorities, you’re building tolerance for change. And, suddenly your internal saboteurs get louder. They’re like that friend who’s supportive when you’re stuck in neutral but has all kinds of negative opinions when you start changing.
As I shared in my recent article about boundaries, learning to say no gives you the capacity to say yes to what truly matters. But saying yes to your vision and goals requires a different flex of your mental muscles—learning to recognize and overcome the ways we undermine our own progress through self-sabotage. Learning to stop self sabotage.
Understanding Self-Sabotaging Behaviours: Why We Get in Our Own Way
Self-sabotage isn’t random. Research shows that self-sabotaging behaviours like perfectionism, hyper-rationalism, and procrastination are prevalent across work, relationships, and personal goals. We each have a specific set of internal saboteurs that developed from our inherent strengths.
As we encountered difficult situations throughout life, we relied on those strengths to keep us safe. Over time, those strengths were overdeveloped and now as adults continue to show up to keep us safe and small.
How to Identify Your Self-Sabotage Patterns
The key is knowing how your saboteurs are running your personal show. Research by Positive Intelligence shows that there are 10 saboteurs and that we all have them in varying intensity (yes, you too! I have Avoider and Victim most prominently.)
Common types of self-sabotaging behaviours include:
- Procrastination – Avoiding difficult tasks or conflicts to focus on the pleasant
- Shiny object chasing – Never feeling at rest or satisfied and needing constant busyness
- Perfectionism – Constant striving for perfection in all things, so nothing is ever good enough
- People-pleasing – Flattering, rescuing or pleasing others to gain acceptance and love
- Victimhood – Feeling self-pity, helplessness, and that things will always go wrong, so why try?
Once you become familiar with your saboteur patterns, you’ll start noticing them everywhere—when you postpone calling that major donor because you’re “waiting for the perfect time,” when you spend hours researching instead of writing that board presentation, or when you talk yourself out of trying that new hiking trail because it might be too difficult.
This awareness is your foundation. When you can predict how your saboteurs operate, you’re ready to start intercepting them in real-time and choosing a different path forward.
Want to identify and understand your top saboteurs? For only $37, I can help you understand exactly which patterns are holding you back and how. Click here to book your 45 minute Saboteur Discovery session.