Lucy White Coaching

Do you keep your promises to yourself? Two ideas to make it easier.

Do you keep your promises to yourself? Two ideas to make it easier.

by | Apr 19, 2023 | Coaching, Group Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Team Coaching, Values

Isn’t this spring crazy busy? I see you and how many conferences, grant applications, launches and openings you’ve got going on. I hope you’re taking time to stop and smell the hyacinths!

In March, I was busy getting ready for the next cohort of Mental Fitness for Nonprofit Leaders.  I did a happy dance on April 1 as the new program got underway. I’m so proud of every person who commits to learning how to overcome stress, negativity, or overwhelm so they can live the unique life they crave for themselves.

Speaking of commitments, I recently made a commitment to myself to up my writing game by sending twice monthly newsletters. Writing can trigger all kinds of saboteur voices trying to hold me back. On the other hand, I really don’t like the disappointment I feel when I let a saboteur voice distract me from emailing you!

Another thing I don’t like? Strawberries in salad. What a waste of a good strawberry. I’m working on improving my health with more veggies and exercise but a person has to draw a line somewhere. But that’s enough negativity about those misguided salads.

Let me share something I do like:  I like keeping my promises to myself!

I like remembering to prep the week’s meals on Sunday, to write thank you notes, and pay my bills on time. In the past, strong Avoider and Restless saboteurs could divert my attention or prevent me from even getting started.

I find that regular PQ Reps* through the day help keep me focused on the important things and stacking my habits means I don’t have to make constant fatiguing decisions.** I now do a few PQ Reps when I first wake up and whenever I plug in the kettle. I’ve recently stacked getting a latte on Saturday morning with going to the gym. No gym, no coffee!

Do you find it hard to stick to the promises that you make to yourself?

What tricks or tips do you have to keep you focussed on your commitments?

*Curious about PQ Reps? Here is a short video of me demonstrating a PQ Rep.

** Decision fatigue is a real thing! Read about decision fatigue here.

Transform Restless to Relaxed in Five Steps

Transform Restless to Relaxed in Five Steps

by | Mar 1, 2023 | Coaching, Group Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Team Coaching

I have a foolproof way to know when spring is coming. No, I don’t rely on Groundhog Day or Easter chocolates appearing on store shelves.

It’s the first day that someone in British Columbia posts a photo of daffodils. The collective moaning and kvetching from the rest of Canada is deafening. Everyone else feels grumpy as heck that we’re still up to our knees in snow.

I’m as anxious as anyone for spring to arrive. By early March, I’m feeling intense spring fever. I’m restless for primroses and tulips to appear in gardens, for eliminating a layer or two of clothing, and for a green vegetable that is not frozen peas. I’m ready for the fresh energy that spring heralds.

That spring restlessness that many of us feel can be a good thing; a sign that we are ready to leave winter hibernation behind us. Or it can be saboteur energy that distracts us from what is important, hampers our productivity, and prevents us from working on our priorities. That kind of energy is exhausting not energizing.I’ve noticed that whenever I have an upcoming writing deadline, the Restless Saboteur pulls my focus away from the concentration needed for writing. I’ll suddenly be cleaning my home, cooking elaborate meals, and tidying my workspace.Unchecked, Restless Saboteurs can be the cause of a busy yet unproductive day. The Restless Saboteur will have us multi-tasking and looking for quick hits of dopamine. People with Restless habits can be impatient and will avoid unpleasant feelings or situations by switching focus constantly. They might be driven by a feeling that life is too short and that without constant movement they’ll miss out. FOMO may well have been coined by someone experiencing a Restless Saboteur.

When you suspect you are in Restless mode, try these five steps to transform restless to relaxed:

  1. Notice what kind of energy you are bringing to the busyness. Is it scattered or focused? Nervous or calm?
  2. Whatever you are doing, bring as much focus as you can to the task. If you are dusting, notice the tiny particles of dust as they lay still or move in the air. If you are exercising, notice the pace of your breathing, the feel of a specific muscle as you move. Do some PQ Reps on touch, hearing, or breath.
  3. From this place of attention, ask yourself if this activity is a priority for your day or a distraction? If a distraction, notice any feelings that come up when you think about the priority.
  4. Now bring your focus to that priority activity. Imagine yourself doing that activity in great detail. Imagine how you want to feel as you are doing the task—capable, happy, focused? Next imagine how you want to feel when you complete the task—proud, calm, reliable?
  5. When you are ready, move to your priority activity. If it is a big task, break it down to small parts and tackle one at a time. Repeat the above steps as needed until you are acting from a place of relaxed focus.

Thanks to consistent Mental Fitness practices, I’m gradually gaining self-command over Restlessness. After a short session of PQ Reps, I’m able to transform the high energy and creativity that underlies Restless behaviours into focused action on my work.

The Mental Fitness system gives my clients the tools to transform their insights into new habits and their restlessness into productive relaxed action.
New Year, New Perspectives

New Year, New Perspectives

by | Jan 18, 2023 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Perspective, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset

A day or two after New Year’s, my friend Jen posed a question: “Is everyone else having as much trouble getting back to work as I am?“

I was surprised by this question because for the first time in many years, I wasn’t having trouble getting back to work. In fact, I was happily anticipating all the things that I wanted to do in order to launch myself into 2023. I was excited when I thought, “new year, new perspectives!”

There are lots of good reasons to not want to go back to your normal routine. If you found the holiday season particularly busy perhaps you need more rest. You may have been having a wonderful time with friends and family and you don’t want that to end. Conversely, you may have been having a lot of alone time and have really been enjoying all the peace and quiet. These, and many others, are productive and positive reasons to want your time off to continue.

If your reasons feel less than positive, it’s worthwhile to ask yourself what’s going on inside? Are you tired from doing too much with too little? Are you frustrated because your work doesn’t tap into your expertise or creative and intellectual interests? Are you bored because you’re ready for new challenges?

Instead of feeling disempowered and disconnected from your work, try gaining clarity by shifting your perspective on your situation. Try this game that I use with my mental fitness clients.

Stand up if you can. Imagine you are standing in a room with many windows and outside each window is a different perspective on your work. Outside window one is a tree. What does the tree have to say about your work? Now turn slightly for a new point-of-view. Now imagine that outside window two is an animal. What does the animal have to say about your work? Continue to shift your body and imagine different points-of-view such as colour, food, or sound. Try for at least five new perspectives.

Now take a few minutes to integrate what each new perspective had to say. Ask yourself questions like:

  • What was surprising?
  • Did you feel perspectives in your body? In your breath?
  • What do you know now?
  • What action will you take with your new perspective(s)?

You’ll be surprised how effective this can be to deepen your understanding of your own feelings and to refresh your thinking. New year, new perspectives!

The light returns and other happy thoughts

by | Dec 21, 2022 | Coaching, gratitude, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Values

The light returns and other happy thoughts

Winter solstice is today and, at last, the light returns!As a dear friend says, one of the benefits of getting older is that winter goes by so much faster than it used to. Still, knowing the sun is on the return has to be one of the year’s happiest thoughts.

Many of us like to mark the turning of the year by taking a pause from every day busyness. We prioritize time with friends and family, quiet activities like reading and listening to music, and enjoying walks, crosswords, and board games.
 
I also love reading all the new best-of lists. I’m going to swipe an idea here from Melissa Kirsch who delights in people’s highly subjective and specific lists with no category being too idiosyncratic. 
 
My best-of list for 2022 has to include:

  • Recipe:  A terrific and easy recipe for squash and sausage pasta (so good!)
  • Gig:  Participating in a multimedia art installation. Mostly my role was buying the late-night Twizzlers but still, what a privilege.
  • Head smack:  Learning that exactly my kind of gym is just across the street(!) and actually going (yay, me!)
  • Leaving my comfort zone:  Recording a podcast for Arts Consultants Canada
  • Travel:  Crossing the Arctic Watershed for the first time. Surprisingly moving.
  • Animal:  Loons, loon calls, loon chicks; on my best-of list every year.
  • Professional development:  Becoming a Certified Mental Fitness Coach
  • Creative:  Finally finishing two socks. I hesitate to call any two things so mismatched a pair
    I was this old:  Winter cocktails! Dark ‘n Stormies Why did no one tell me?
    Person:  My clients, colleagues, friends, and family–definitely an idiosyncratic bunch–scrappy, brave, quirky and funny.

I’d love to hear what is on your best-of list this year! Hit Reply and let me know.
 
With gratitude

It has been a privilege to be in your inbox this year. I’m genuinely thrilled when I see that someone has opened my emails. Inboxes everywhere are too full and I’m so very appreciative of the time and attention you give to my thoughts. Thank you!
 
I wish you warmth, light, and love in the year ahead. 

Guess what happened last summer? (Hint: it wasn’t pretty)

Guess what happened last summer? (Hint: it wasn’t pretty)

by | Dec 6, 2022 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs

I told everyone, “I’m taking the summer off!” And boy was I excited! I was planning a summer of fun and adventure like I had not had since I started working at 15.

It was going to be epic: two weeks at the family cottage, a gals road trip, a few weeks in town, and two-weeks in Nova Scotia and Saint Pierre/Miquelon. Hotels were booked, places of interest flagged, routes and menus prepared. There would be lobster!

Enter Disaster Number One.

I twisted my left foot on my second week off. I’m a lucky person who hasn’t had many injuries in her life, so I was unprepared for the pain, swelling and doctor’s orders to rest for a few weeks. A few weeks!?!

I doubled down on my Mental Fitness practices and I adjusted my plans. This wasn’t the end of the summer. I would be healed before the trip East in four weeks. I’m resilient! The morning of departure for Nova Scotia, I woke up with an odd scratchy throat.

Enter Disaster Number Two: COVID.

This time I didn’t bounce back with ease. The combination of deep disappointment after several years without travel and social isolation to keep everyone else safe was tough. Along with residual effects of COVID, I was hijacked by my Judge and Victim saboteurs. Thoughts like, “why me?” and “it’s not fair!” would not stop. I also felt embarrassed. I had been so public with my desire to have a perfect summer and then I had failed.

I strongly believe we don’t always know which events are good and which are bad in the moment. I know that there is often a silver lining to disappointments and failures. But I could not find the positive outcome for myself or regain my positive mindset until months later.

I now realize I had under-estimated how physically and mentally weary I was. I was distracted, didn’t take time to rest, and I had not been looking after my fitness. So, my body intervened. If I wouldn’t rest, it would literally force me to.

As for my negative state of mind, I was eventually able to let go of embarrassment, resentment, and disappointment. They were just feelings that I didn’t need to hold on to indefinitely. Although I was hijacked by my saboteurs, the hijacking was over far more quickly than it would have been in the past. I attribute this resilience to help from family and friends, and my Mental Fitness practices.

The silver lining? I’ve got a more substantial self-care plan now which include mental, physical, and emotional strategies. I’m in the gym twice a week and back on the meditation mat every morning. I’m even more committed to Mental Fitness and I’m now enrolled in the Positive Intelligence Coach Mastery program to continue my exploration of what Mental Fitness has to offer. 

And, I’ll get that lobster dinner next summer!

What would you do with more time?

What would you do with more time?

by | Aug 30, 2022 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Values

What would you do with more time?

In the early 70’s, I wanted nothing more than to be Laurie Partridge (aka Susan Dey.) She was everything: beautiful, talented (she sang! she played keyboards!) and oh so cool. As the oldest sibling in our tribute band, I imagined myself Laurie Partridge, taking centre stage, playing keyboards in a groovy poncho. Alas, life as a pop star was not in my future.

Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge in poncho, leaning on the family bus with brother David and mother ShirleyThe truth is that I loved the idea of being a musician; I just didn’t love the idea of studying the piano. I wasn’t in love with practicing or learning to read music. I was not willing to put in the time to learn because I just didn’t value being a musician enough. So many other things were actually more important to me and I spent my time there.

One of the things I commonly hear during coaching sessions is how difficult it is to find time for the things we say we want to do. Take Patricia, for example. She has been struggling to find enough time for exercise. Work and family place many demands on Patricia but when she looked more closely at how she was spending her time it was clear that time was not the real issue.

As a person with a strong Pleaser saboteur, Patricia would routinely abandon her exercise time for friends’ or family demands. She would even pre-empt her plans if she anticipated someone needed help. By focusing in on the underlying issue of wanting to please others, Patricia saw that she had a belief that she was not “allowed” to put her own needs first and that to do so might mean losing their love and affection.

Once this mistaken belief was brought to the surface, Patricia was able to retire it in favour of keeping her fitness commitments. She is motivated to keep fit knowing that exercise adds to her happiness and supports her value of being helpful to friends and family.  It is easier to find the time when what we want to do connects to our values.

What do you long to do if you had more time? What gets in the way of your desires and dreams?

Coaching is an effective way to explore your values and what is preventing you from living the life you dream of. Schedule some time with me and we can explore how coaching can work for you.