I Woke Up a Sweaty Mess Today

I Woke Up a Sweaty Mess Today

I woke up a sweaty mess today.

The air conditioning in my building is broken and now, with the sun barely up, my condo is 28 C. Did I mention I have a south-west facing space? It is only going to get hotter.

My first response was a spurt of judgement. “This happens every spring! Why don’t they test the system before the deadline? Why does this always happen to me?”*

Do you do this, too? Encounter a frustrating molehill of a situation and then make a mountain of judgement and drama out of it?

If you’re thinking “Uh Lucy? You’re right to be upset; it’s going to ruin your day!”

Well, yes. Except staying upset would have only hurt me. Nothing about the circumstance would change.

Here’s what I did instead of fuelling my upset, ruining my entire day, and staying sweaty, too!

Accept or convert

  • I took a breath! Connecting with my breath is always step one when I’m feeling judgy. Sometimes it helps to place my hands over my heart or to focus on my feet. In a minute or two, I’m usually ready to take the next step as I’m out of my head and have paused my inner judge.
  • I brought curiosity to the circumstance I’m in. I asked myself: “What might I do here? What happens if I accept the situation? What options do I have for converting my circumstances into a gift or opportunity?” All these questions bring calm and creativity.
  • And, I explored my options. Accepting meant staying home in an oven, being uncomfortable and likely unproductive. Converting or changing my circumstances led me to explore options like working elsewhere. The library, park, coffee shop or a friend’s place were all possible options. I also thought about taking the day off work. Key to my decision was wanting to meet two deadlines so I opted to work elsewhere.

I saved my own day. Circumstances converted; mountain returned to molehill!

Walking through the accept or convert process frees you from an exhausting and self-defeating fight against reality. From a clear-headed/hearted space, you can respond with creativity instead of reactivity.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you try it!

P.S. Bonus points if you noticed my Victim Saboteur jumping into the dialogue! It’s so determined.

4 Reasons to Choose Mental Fitness Today

4 Reasons to Choose Mental Fitness Today

Still on that fence about mental fitness?

No worries!

Still have questions about the Calm Confident Nonprofit Leader program?

Here are 4 reasons to choose mental fitness today. 

Isn’t stress just normal for adults, especially leaders?

Sure, stress happens—but constantly feeling overwhelmed isn’t natural or inevitable! Psychology shows that much of our stress is self-generated AND that your brain is designed to learn and adapt. This means you can develop new, positive mental habits such as responding with calmness when experiencing stressful situations.

Is there any science behind this?

Absolutely! The program draws from research in positive psychology and neuroplasticity which allows us to understand how to literally rewire our thinking and change our behaviour. Studies by Positive Intelligence® show that after 7 weeks, 91% of participants manage stress better, 84% handle conflict more effectively, and 83% feel more confident.

How long until I see results?

Functional MRI scans show that meaningful changes occur in neural pathways over as little as 7 weeks. The CCNL program, uses this knowledge to help you begin your transformation. Participants like you report sleeping better, making clearer decisions, and enjoying their leadership roles again.

It feels selfish to spend time and money on myself right now. Can’t I just read a book?

Of course you can and should! But let’s be real. Insights from reading books or attending webinars are only useful if they are put into consistent practice for a minimum of 7 weeks. Consider what stress is already costing you: muddled decision-making, strained relationships, health issues, missed opportunities, and that constant feeling that you’re not bringing your best self to work that matters. Joining this program gives you the support, training, and accountability needed so you can turn your insights into lasting change.

I’ve suggested 4 reasons to choose mental fitness. What would you add? 

Enroll or join the waiting list here

What To Do When Things Are Hard

What To Do When Things Are Hard

I haven’t connected in a while because some pretty significant things have been going on and I needed a break from emails, social media, socializing, and well just about everything.

I’m writing from my family cottage in beautiful Muskoka where I am taking two weeks to rest, reflect, and regroup. I am so very lucky to have this place to retreat to.

Writing is something I love (and often hate) so I thought that while I have no other pressures, it was a good time to let you know what’s been going on behind the scenes.

Family: My mum celebrated her 90th birthday in January and passed away in June. Her health had been up and down for the last year so while it was very sad, it wasn’t a surprise. But it’s definitely a loss that it takes time to adjust to. If you’ve been reading my emails for a while, you’ll know that I try to look for the gift or opportunity in every experience. I’ll write more about this later but for now, it was a gift to be with my siblings throughout this experience.

Consulting: I am thrilled to be working with the Burlington Performing Arts Centre as interim executive director. It is so fun to be in an arts space again. I’m learning so much and I’m very happy to be lending my skills to help BPAC in their leadership transition.

Coaching: The spring cohort of Calm Confident Nonprofit Leader wrapped up in early June. As always, I am blown away by how Mental Fitness practices combined with group coaching creates huge benefits for nonprofit leaders whether they are challenged by major life transitions or day-to-day activities.

One participant said: “What a difference!!! I had such a good productive day and had two potentially difficult meetings, which went quite well because right before them I did PQ Reps.”  I’m excited to be launching a new cohort in the fall.

Last but not least, I want to acknowledge the tremendous stress that comes with being present to the many conflicts happening in the world right now. I often feel that there is nothing I can do about world events (that’s a Victim saboteur response) and the impulse to look away is very strong. I would like to urge you and me to remember what to do when things are hard:

  1. You can be informed and set boundaries. Doom scrolling, engaging with trolls, or arguing with cranky Aunt Gladys will only deplete your energies and well-being.
  2. Focus on one or two causes that matter to you. Donate, write to your MP/MPP, or protest. Do what feels right to you.
  3. Give your emotions space. If you are angry, be angry. If you are sad, feel sad. Emotions are meant to be felt and moved through your body. They cause trouble when they are blocked or ignored.
  4. Eat your vegetables, get lots of sleep, move your body, and get outside. You are less likely to self-sabotage when you are rested and healthy. 

I’d love to hear how you are doing. What is challenging you or what is bringing you bliss? What would you add to the list above that helps you stay present without overwhelm?  

You have to enter to win

You have to enter to win

In 1967, I won a silver dollar. It was a very exciting prize for a seven-year-old!

To enter the contest, I had to colour-in a Smartie on a black and white picture inside the Smarties box and mail in the box. It was only by watching a tv ad, where an identical picture briefly lit-up the “correct” Smartie, that you knew which one to colour.

It was one of the many silly Centennial Year events held in 1967–most of which had only a very tenuous connection to 1867. (Ask me sometime about the town pajama parade.) But it was a memorable win for me.

Why? Because it was the first and last time I won a prize.

For decades, I believed that I have terrible luck. 

But the truth is, I never entered.

And, you have to enter to win. It’s simple.

My question for you is, which of your life goals are you missing because you just don’t enter?
  • If you never start training, you won’t complete a 5K run.
  • Procrastinating on putting cash into a vacation savings account, means you’ll never make that big trip to Paris or Machu Picchu.
  • Prioritizing everything but professional development, means you may not have the skills needed for that promotion.
The cost to you of staying on the sidelines are missed opportunities and unrealized potential.

Why do we do this? Self-sabotage.

Negative inner voices can stop you from putting yourself forward, from taking action, and from reaching your goals. You might think they are keeping you safe but in fact, they are keeping you small, invisible, and disappointed.

Those saboteurs come in many styles and flavours but they all seed self-doubt.
  • Avoider saboteur tells you to put off taking steps to achieve your goals
  • Pleaser saboteur says you’ll hurt your relationships if you prioritize your wishes
  • Stickler saboteur demands perfection and this prevents you from taking imperfect action
  • Hyper-vigilant saboteur has you imagine 101 things that could go wrong if you take steps to make your dreams come true.
Self-sabotage is a mental and emotional barrier to reaching your goals.

Here are a couple of tools that will help you quiet self-sabotage and to feel more confident and self-assured.

  • Visualize what success and positive outcomes look like to you. Close your eyes and imagine yourself accepting an award for exceptional work, crossing a finish line with hands in the air, or cuddling with grandchildren or rescue pups.
  • Focus your time and attention on what is truly important to you from a long-term perspective. The environment, your family, a legacy project? Schedule regular time in your day or week to make consistent progress.
  • Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. (I made my bed today, high five me!) Train your brain to expect and enjoy success.

I work with women nonprofit executives to help them recognize and intercept self-sabotaging messages and to replace them with habits of mind that cultivate the self-confidence they need to realize their goals.

Through Mental Fitness coaching with me, you’ll learn accessible practices and tools that support you in relieving self-sabotage, identifying your career and personal goals, and taking concrete actions that put you on the path to success. You’ll enter to win!

If you are curious about the benefits of Mental Fitness, how it works, or if coaching is for you, I’d love to connect.

  • Book time on my calendar here
  • Follow me on LinkedIn or Instagram
  • Subscribe to my newsletter 👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼
From Self-Doubt to Success: Use Consistency to Transform Your Mindset and Goals

From Self-Doubt to Success: Use Consistency to Transform Your Mindset and Goals

Did you know you can leverage your brain to consistently make progress on your goals? 
 
In early February I decided to write about consistency—why it matters, how hard it can be, and how to rewire our brains to be our ally.

Many people feel deflated around mid-February when they realize that they have not maintained the new habit or made progress on their new goal since the New Year. 

I thought the timing would be perfect.
 
Et voila!
 
The scientific marvel that is my brain went into a tailspin.
 
Reader, I was totally hijacked by self-judgement.
 
Setting myself the goal to write about consistency was enough to make me feel:

  • self-doubt—”who am I to tell the world what I think?” and
  • embarrassment—”you can’t even consistently produce a newsletter about consistency, you joke!”

Paradoxically, in trying to avoid the feelings that came up when I thought about how hard it is to be consistent, I fell into a pattern of avoidance and restlessness which only amplified my inconsistency.
 
After many (so many!) PQ Reps and solid coaching, I was able to get out of the tailspin and regain my equanimity.

I’m sharing this story because consistency matters and yes, it can be hard when a negative self-talk is in the way.
 
Consistency transforms our brains
It’s true that our brains are marvels. We now know that they adapt and change throughout our lives. This means we have immense potential to shape our brains to achieve our goals.
 
When we set a goal, our brains undergo a series of transformations. Specific regions, like the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus, become more active and are primed for change.
 
Consistent repetition, whether it’s practicing a skill or meditating daily, strengthens the neural connections associated with that action. In Mental Fitness, we describe this as strengthening our mental muscles. The stronger your mental muscles, the greater support you’ll have for taking action toward your goals.
 
The evidence is clear
Studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) have shown increased activation in goal-related brain regions with consistent practice.

For instance, a study on musicians found that consistent practice led to enhanced neural connectivity in areas responsible for motor control and auditory processing.
 
And, when our goals are associated with positive emotions, our brain releases dopamine, which causes pleasurable feelings and reinforces motivation and learning. This emotional link strengthens the neural pathways associated with the goal, making it more likely we’ll stick with it.
 
The beauty of compounding our efforts
Like interest on a savings account, the magic of consistency is that it has a compounding effect. Each successful action, each small win, strengthens your mental muscles and your belief in your ability to achieve the goal. This snowball effect builds momentum, making future actions easier and more rewarding (more dopamine!)
 
How to use consistency in the real world
Translating these findings into practical steps is key. Here are some strategies you can use today:

  • Set SMART goals: Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals provide clear direction and motivation.
  • Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps: This makes them less daunting and allows for consistent progress.
  • Schedule your practice: Honour the importance of your goal pursuit by dedicating and protecting time in your calendar to work on your goal.
  • Find a coach or accountability partner: Having someone to share your journey with massively increases the likelihood you’ll reach your goal.
  • Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate: The smallest of wins deserves recognition! Acknowledging your progress reinforces the positive emotional connection to your goal. Did someone say, “dopamine?”

Consistency is a journey
Consistency is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks and distractions. Negative self-talk never completely goes away and it can hijack you at surprising moments.
 
If you practice empathy for yourself, learn from but don’t wallow in mistakes, and get back in the saddle when you fall off, you’ll make progress!
 
With each effort, you’re building mental muscles, using consistency to transform your mindset and goals, to create a strong foundation for that success you deserve.

Cultivating authentic leadership

Cultivating authentic leadership

Coaches talk about authenticity a lot. How to live an authentic life. How to be an authentic leader. How to know when you are or are not authentic.  But what does that really mean for nonprofit leaders like you? How do you cultivate authentic leadership?

At Thanksgiving, one of my family members became seriously ill and the situation required immediate attention. I’m happy that they are recovering well now but the impact on my other responsibilities was immediate. I missed some deadlines, forgot social commitments, and generally ignored any activity that wasn’t critical to helping them with their recovery. I put all but one role on hold. And, I’m (mostly) fine with that. I allowed myself to admit I couldn’t do it all and I didn’t judge myself for failing to meet all my goals. My role as a family member was my higher value.

An authentic person is one who is true to themselves and comfortable with who they are. They know their highest values as well as their strengths and weaknesses. They are consistent, reliable, and willing to be vulnerable. They and we know who they are.

It’s no surprise that one of the attributes most highly rated in successful leaders is authenticity.

Authentic leaders are self-aware. They are able to be consistently themselves because they make decisions based on their values, build on their strengths, and are vulnerable enough to accept their imperfections. These leaders inspire trust!

But how many of us feel confident bringing our true selves to our role as leaders? How many of us, women especially, have been advised to mold ourselves into some bland, humourless, impervious, grey suit-wearing version of “leader?” How many nonprofit leaders feel stress and that they are “imposters” as a result?

Many years ago, I worked in an office with a long central corridor. Individual offices opened off the corridor and each had a window into the corridor. One day, I was seized with the impulse to leap across each window as if auditioning (heinously) for Swan Lake. I can’t now recall whether anyone on my team even noticed my woeful grand jetés but I still remember how following that impulse to be silly lightened and improved my day. I was authentically myself and as importantly, I modelled for everyone on staff that our work culture included fun and exuberance.

Leadership is not merely a title or a set of skills; it is a dynamic and multifaceted role that demands you be confidently yourself.

And, p.s. I know you’re amazing!