Lucy White Coaching

Guess what happened last summer? (Hint: it wasn’t pretty)

Guess what happened last summer? (Hint: it wasn’t pretty)

by | Dec 6, 2022 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs

I told everyone, “I’m taking the summer off!” And boy was I excited! I was planning a summer of fun and adventure like I had not had since I started working at 15.

It was going to be epic: two weeks at the family cottage, a gals road trip, a few weeks in town, and two-weeks in Nova Scotia and Saint Pierre/Miquelon. Hotels were booked, places of interest flagged, routes and menus prepared. There would be lobster!

Enter Disaster Number One.

I twisted my left foot on my second week off. I’m a lucky person who hasn’t had many injuries in her life, so I was unprepared for the pain, swelling and doctor’s orders to rest for a few weeks. A few weeks!?!

I doubled down on my Mental Fitness practices and I adjusted my plans. This wasn’t the end of the summer. I would be healed before the trip East in four weeks. I’m resilient! The morning of departure for Nova Scotia, I woke up with an odd scratchy throat.

Enter Disaster Number Two: COVID.

This time I didn’t bounce back with ease. The combination of deep disappointment after several years without travel and social isolation to keep everyone else safe was tough. Along with residual effects of COVID, I was hijacked by my Judge and Victim saboteurs. Thoughts like, “why me?” and “it’s not fair!” would not stop. I also felt embarrassed. I had been so public with my desire to have a perfect summer and then I had failed.

I strongly believe we don’t always know which events are good and which are bad in the moment. I know that there is often a silver lining to disappointments and failures. But I could not find the positive outcome for myself or regain my positive mindset until months later.

I now realize I had under-estimated how physically and mentally weary I was. I was distracted, didn’t take time to rest, and I had not been looking after my fitness. So, my body intervened. If I wouldn’t rest, it would literally force me to.

As for my negative state of mind, I was eventually able to let go of embarrassment, resentment, and disappointment. They were just feelings that I didn’t need to hold on to indefinitely. Although I was hijacked by my saboteurs, the hijacking was over far more quickly than it would have been in the past. I attribute this resilience to help from family and friends, and my Mental Fitness practices.

The silver lining? I’ve got a more substantial self-care plan now which include mental, physical, and emotional strategies. I’m in the gym twice a week and back on the meditation mat every morning. I’m even more committed to Mental Fitness and I’m now enrolled in the Positive Intelligence Coach Mastery program to continue my exploration of what Mental Fitness has to offer. 

And, I’ll get that lobster dinner next summer!

What would you do with more time?

What would you do with more time?

by | Aug 30, 2022 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Values

What would you do with more time?

In the early 70’s, I wanted nothing more than to be Laurie Partridge (aka Susan Dey.) She was everything: beautiful, talented (she sang! she played keyboards!) and oh so cool. As the oldest sibling in our tribute band, I imagined myself Laurie Partridge, taking centre stage, playing keyboards in a groovy poncho. Alas, life as a pop star was not in my future.

Susan Dey as Laurie Partridge in poncho, leaning on the family bus with brother David and mother ShirleyThe truth is that I loved the idea of being a musician; I just didn’t love the idea of studying the piano. I wasn’t in love with practicing or learning to read music. I was not willing to put in the time to learn because I just didn’t value being a musician enough. So many other things were actually more important to me and I spent my time there.

One of the things I commonly hear during coaching sessions is how difficult it is to find time for the things we say we want to do. Take Patricia, for example. She has been struggling to find enough time for exercise. Work and family place many demands on Patricia but when she looked more closely at how she was spending her time it was clear that time was not the real issue.

As a person with a strong Pleaser saboteur, Patricia would routinely abandon her exercise time for friends’ or family demands. She would even pre-empt her plans if she anticipated someone needed help. By focusing in on the underlying issue of wanting to please others, Patricia saw that she had a belief that she was not “allowed” to put her own needs first and that to do so might mean losing their love and affection.

Once this mistaken belief was brought to the surface, Patricia was able to retire it in favour of keeping her fitness commitments. She is motivated to keep fit knowing that exercise adds to her happiness and supports her value of being helpful to friends and family.  It is easier to find the time when what we want to do connects to our values.

What do you long to do if you had more time? What gets in the way of your desires and dreams?

Coaching is an effective way to explore your values and what is preventing you from living the life you dream of. Schedule some time with me and we can explore how coaching can work for you.

Is Mental Fitness for you? It was for this nonprofit leader!

by | Jul 12, 2022 | Coaching, Group Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Team Coaching

Is Mental Fitness for you? It was for Joyce!

 My client Joyce* has worked in the nonprofit sector for the last 15 years. She didn’t intend to end up in nonprofit work. Her immigrant parents worked hard so that Joyce had the best education possible and at their urging, Joyce earned several degrees including an MBA.  Joyce soon realized business was not her calling and she chose nonprofit work as a refuge from her unfulfilling job.
 
When she came to me for coaching, Joyce was beginning to realize she’d spent her whole life pleasing her parents, partners, and employers. She had great fear that, at 50, she didn’t love her nonprofit work anymore and that she was running out of time to figure out what she wanted in life. She felt lost and directionless.
 
After my Mental Fitness program and individual coaching, Joyce understands how her inner Pleaser sabotaged her by putting her needs second to the needs of others. She has more clarity about what she loves and doesn’t love about her work. She is calling on her inner sage powers to Explore and Innovate so she is more productive and work is more rewarding. And she has set herself some goals to explore what makes her happy outside work starting with more time in nature.
 
Does any of Joyce’s story ring a bell with you? Have you been thinking that it’s time to make some changes in your life but feel overwhelmed, directionless, or stuck? If so, my mental fitness program could be exactly what you’re looking for.

My next Mental Fitness program is coming in September!
In the program you’ll learn:

  • how to be calmer and happier in 15 minutes a day
  • new tools to shift from a negative to a positive mindset
  • how to take action to achieve your life goals

I’m making a few improvements to the program to make sure participants get even more value. You can expect a greater impact on your productivity, stress levels and overall happiness.  

Places are limited to 12 participants so that each participant receives individual coaching as well as the group experience. Contact me to reserve your place now.

Mental Fitness for your team
Are you a non-profit leader? I’d love to speak with you about bringing Mental Fitness to your team. I can tailor my Mental Fitness program especially for your team at an affordable price. Please contact me to discuss your team’s needs.
 
*I’ve changed details such as name and occupation, but “Joyce” is a real person!

Self-actualization or why (and how) I’m taking the summer off

by | Jul 6, 2022 | Coaching, Group Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Team Coaching

a happy jack russell dog on a summer road trip

Jack russell dog in sunglasses looking out car window in summer. Road trip

In search of my ideal self
 
I have played many roles in my life–daughter, sister, wife, mother, nonprofit leader, volunteer, friend, consultant. Children play dress up and teens often try on multiple identities as part of figuring out who they are. As adults, we can forget that we still have the ability to put on, try out, or discard roles just as we did when younger. Anyone who has quit a job or gotten divorced knows how true this is. Suddenly, one role is gone and there is a myriad of options before you.
 
Self-actualization is the drive to be our ideal self and realize our full potential. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs puts self-actualization at the pinnacle of human needs. We’re meant to understand that the most important part you can play in your own life is to find and be the person you were meant to be. But this isn’t a one-and-done effort. Who we are now and the roles we are playing aren’t necessarily who we will be in six months or six years. I’m keenly aware that to find this ideal self, it helps to bring a level of intention to the search.

Taking the summer off

And what has that got to do with taking the summer off, Lucy?
 
It has to do with self-actualization–exploring how I want to move into the next stage of my life and what that new part might be. It has to do with giving myself time to pause and reflect rather than rushing headlong into the future, doing the same things as always. And, it has to do with fun and adventure, two values that I don’t honour enough.
 
I’m glad to have had some great coaching this year. My coach has supported my big idea of having the summer off and has held me accountable for taking the necessary steps to achieve this goal. For one thing, you won’t find me on social media. I’m taking a break from posting for the next six weeks (except vacation photos, naturally!)

I’ve had to say “no, thank you” to a few opportunities (a really hard thing to do when you’re self-employed!) so that I could say “yes” to time off. I’m grateful to be making the time and space for reflection and play. And, I’m anticipating a rested and relaxed me, full of energy and ideas for the my next role.
 
I’m curious about where you are in your life right now. Are you noticing that you are leaving behind one or more of your life roles? How are you experiencing the change? What are you doing to find and welcome your ideal self? Or have you found “you”? I’d love to hear from you!

Yes, People Do Change. You Can Too!

by | Apr 19, 2022 | Coaching, Group Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, positive mindset, Saboteurs, Sage Powers, Team Coaching

Yes, People Do Change. You Can Too!

One of the expressions I heard while growing up was “leopards don’t change their spots.” While that’s literally true of leopards, we kids were supposed to understand this to mean that people don’t change. The bullies would stay bullies forever. The kid who stole my new boots from the cloakroom (go-go boots! true story!) would be a thief all their life.

I’m sure the lesson was given to us with the intention of protecting us from further heartache. Now that I’m an adult, I see that this lesson is deeply flawed. People do change. If they want to.

Recent research into how our brains work show that we think in patterns. Some of these patterns were set down by our distant ancestors to keep us safe.  It was an evolutionary advantage to be alert to the dangers around us. Sometimes a stick on the path, was a dangerous snake. Some red berries were safe but others poisonous; you needed to know the difference to survive. That level of high alert to danger or attention to detail is still useful but not as a constant state of being. Yet our brains are still wired that way, to think negatively first (danger, run!)

Happily, we can rewire our brains to think more positively. Our neural pathways are “plastic“ and with time and practice we can retrain our brains to think positively first.

During coaching, I witness my clients make major changes. Stuck clients get unblocked. Aimless clients become focused. Stressed and unhappy clients find rest and contentment.

Using the tools and processes of Mental Fitness, my coaching clients learn how they have self-sabotaged. This realization begins the process of rewiring their brains so that they have access to their natural empathy, curiosity, and to clearheaded open-hearted action. They are excited to see the immediate impact of Mental Fitness on their mindset and the improvement in their sense of well-being, of optimism and on their productivity.

Yes, people can and do change. Is now the time you’ll take that leap?

Push Versus Pull

by | Feb 14, 2022 | Coaching, Life Coaching, Mental Fitness, Positive Intelligence, Saboteurs, Sage Powers

“Push versus pull” has been on my mind lately because I’ve had writer’s block–a problem that I have had often in the past.

Looking for a solution, last fall I signed up for a writing class. The class had really helped me free up my creativity. I had been writing with greater ease.

But somewhere over the holidays, I let my saboteurs get the upper hand. No amount of scheduling, time blocking or to-do-lists, all left brain solutions, were helping. Then, while meditating, I had the realization that the problem was that I was trying to push myself into writing. Instead, I needed to find the reason that would pull me gently back to it.

Let me explain the “push versus pull.“

Saboteurs, our inner negative voices, work by pushing us into action by using anger, stress, fear, and guilt. For example, the Controller saboteur uses feelings of imminent danger, to push us to control ourselves, other people and our environment. A Pleaser saboteur will remind us constantly that if we’re not putting others first then we won’t be loved or appreciated. Any time we put our own needs first will be met with guilt or shame that can push us back to pleasing others first.

These feelings pushing us to action are very unpleasant. My personal experience is that when my Avoider and my Restless saboteurs are at work, I feel anxious, unsettled, and miserable. I might get things done but the experience is one of high stress and unhappiness instead of focus and flow.

Being pulled towards action is a different feeling entirely. When we are pulled, it’s our sage brain that pulls us towards actions, goals, and behaviours that are in alignment with our values. Our right brain capacity for compassion, curiosity, the joy of self-expression, and the like pull us into pleasurable action; action without judgment, stress, or obligation.

If you’re wondering how to know when you’re being pushed rather than pulled and how to make the switch, consider signing up for my new Mental Fitness group starting March 12.

You can think about mental fitness as a kind of spring cleaning for your life. The program

  • If you’re tired of feeling stressed, fearful, sad, or stuck.
  • If you feel that you’ve been hanging on to old patterns, old habits, and old ways of thinking
  • If you know that what you’ve been doing simply doesn’t work for you anymore

This might be the just the right time to start a mental fitness practice and let in some fresh thinking.

Mental fitness is our capacity to meet life’s challenges with calm, clear, focused responses rather than negative emotions. My Mental Fitness Program teaches you how to strengthen your capacity for positive thinking and action so that you can be happier with yourself, with others, and with your circumstances.

In seven weeks, you will:

  • recognize how you self-sabotage
  • learn tools and techniques to overcome self-sabotage
  • strengthen your capacity for empathy, creativity, innovation, and action

Included in the program are:

  • individual and group coaching
  • a mobile app to guide your practice and learning
  • weekly videos
  • peer support opportunities

You will literally rewire your neural pathways into more positive creative and productive ways of thinking. A previous participant called mental fitness a “game changer” for how she lives her life.

Click here to learn more about the program and to enroll.

P.S.  I’m offering accessible pricing for anyone who works in the non-profit and charitable sectors. When you enroll for my program, tell me where you work for the discount.

P.P.S.  Are you thinking about signing up as a group?
There are so many applications for mental fitness at work and in our personal lives. One exciting way to amplify and accelerate the impact of mental fitness in your life is to enroll a group in the program. Team members, family, or other kind of group who take the program together will see profound improvements in the way they relate to each other, work together, and play together.