You have to enter to win

You have to enter to win

In 1967, I won a silver dollar. It was a very exciting prize for a seven-year-old!

To enter the contest, I had to colour-in a Smartie on a black and white picture inside the Smarties box and mail in the box. It was only by watching a tv ad, where an identical picture briefly lit-up the “correct” Smartie, that you knew which one to colour.

It was one of the many silly Centennial Year events held in 1967–most of which had only a very tenuous connection to 1867. (Ask me sometime about the town pajama parade.) But it was a memorable win for me.

Why? Because it was the first and last time I won a prize.

For decades, I believed that I have terrible luck. 

But the truth is, I never entered.

And, you have to enter to win. It’s simple.

My question for you is, which of your life goals are you missing because you just don’t enter?
  • If you never start training, you won’t complete a 5K run.
  • Procrastinating on putting cash into a vacation savings account, means you’ll never make that big trip to Paris or Machu Picchu.
  • Prioritizing everything but professional development, means you may not have the skills needed for that promotion.
The cost to you of staying on the sidelines are missed opportunities and unrealized potential.

Why do we do this? Self-sabotage.

Negative inner voices can stop you from putting yourself forward, from taking action, and from reaching your goals. You might think they are keeping you safe but in fact, they are keeping you small, invisible, and disappointed.

Those saboteurs come in many styles and flavours but they all seed self-doubt.
  • Avoider saboteur tells you to put off taking steps to achieve your goals
  • Pleaser saboteur says you’ll hurt your relationships if you prioritize your wishes
  • Stickler saboteur demands perfection and this prevents you from taking imperfect action
  • Hyper-vigilant saboteur has you imagine 101 things that could go wrong if you take steps to make your dreams come true.
Self-sabotage is a mental and emotional barrier to reaching your goals.

Here are a couple of tools that will help you quiet self-sabotage and to feel more confident and self-assured.

  • Visualize what success and positive outcomes look like to you. Close your eyes and imagine yourself accepting an award for exceptional work, crossing a finish line with hands in the air, or cuddling with grandchildren or rescue pups.
  • Focus your time and attention on what is truly important to you from a long-term perspective. The environment, your family, a legacy project? Schedule regular time in your day or week to make consistent progress.
  • Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. (I made my bed today, high five me!) Train your brain to expect and enjoy success.

I work with women nonprofit executives to help them recognize and intercept self-sabotaging messages and to replace them with habits of mind that cultivate the self-confidence they need to realize their goals.

Through Mental Fitness coaching with me, you’ll learn accessible practices and tools that support you in relieving self-sabotage, identifying your career and personal goals, and taking concrete actions that put you on the path to success. You’ll enter to win!

If you are curious about the benefits of Mental Fitness, how it works, or if coaching is for you, I’d love to connect.

  • Book time on my calendar here
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From Self-Doubt to Success: Use Consistency to Transform Your Mindset and Goals

From Self-Doubt to Success: Use Consistency to Transform Your Mindset and Goals

Did you know you can leverage your brain to consistently make progress on your goals? 
 
In early February I decided to write about consistency—why it matters, how hard it can be, and how to rewire our brains to be our ally.

Many people feel deflated around mid-February when they realize that they have not maintained the new habit or made progress on their new goal since the New Year. 

I thought the timing would be perfect.
 
Et voila!
 
The scientific marvel that is my brain went into a tailspin.
 
Reader, I was totally hijacked by self-judgement.
 
Setting myself the goal to write about consistency was enough to make me feel:

  • self-doubt—”who am I to tell the world what I think?” and
  • embarrassment—”you can’t even consistently produce a newsletter about consistency, you joke!”

Paradoxically, in trying to avoid the feelings that came up when I thought about how hard it is to be consistent, I fell into a pattern of avoidance and restlessness which only amplified my inconsistency.
 
After many (so many!) PQ Reps and solid coaching, I was able to get out of the tailspin and regain my equanimity.

I’m sharing this story because consistency matters and yes, it can be hard when a negative self-talk is in the way.
 
Consistency transforms our brains
It’s true that our brains are marvels. We now know that they adapt and change throughout our lives. This means we have immense potential to shape our brains to achieve our goals.
 
When we set a goal, our brains undergo a series of transformations. Specific regions, like the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus, become more active and are primed for change.
 
Consistent repetition, whether it’s practicing a skill or meditating daily, strengthens the neural connections associated with that action. In Mental Fitness, we describe this as strengthening our mental muscles. The stronger your mental muscles, the greater support you’ll have for taking action toward your goals.
 
The evidence is clear
Studies using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) have shown increased activation in goal-related brain regions with consistent practice.

For instance, a study on musicians found that consistent practice led to enhanced neural connectivity in areas responsible for motor control and auditory processing.
 
And, when our goals are associated with positive emotions, our brain releases dopamine, which causes pleasurable feelings and reinforces motivation and learning. This emotional link strengthens the neural pathways associated with the goal, making it more likely we’ll stick with it.
 
The beauty of compounding our efforts
Like interest on a savings account, the magic of consistency is that it has a compounding effect. Each successful action, each small win, strengthens your mental muscles and your belief in your ability to achieve the goal. This snowball effect builds momentum, making future actions easier and more rewarding (more dopamine!)
 
How to use consistency in the real world
Translating these findings into practical steps is key. Here are some strategies you can use today:

  • Set SMART goals: Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals provide clear direction and motivation.
  • Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps: This makes them less daunting and allows for consistent progress.
  • Schedule your practice: Honour the importance of your goal pursuit by dedicating and protecting time in your calendar to work on your goal.
  • Find a coach or accountability partner: Having someone to share your journey with massively increases the likelihood you’ll reach your goal.
  • Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate: The smallest of wins deserves recognition! Acknowledging your progress reinforces the positive emotional connection to your goal. Did someone say, “dopamine?”

Consistency is a journey
Consistency is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks and distractions. Negative self-talk never completely goes away and it can hijack you at surprising moments.
 
If you practice empathy for yourself, learn from but don’t wallow in mistakes, and get back in the saddle when you fall off, you’ll make progress!
 
With each effort, you’re building mental muscles, using consistency to transform your mindset and goals, to create a strong foundation for that success you deserve.

Cultivating authentic leadership

Cultivating authentic leadership

Coaches talk about authenticity a lot. How to live an authentic life. How to be an authentic leader. How to know when you are or are not authentic.  But what does that really mean for nonprofit leaders like you? How do you cultivate authentic leadership?

At Thanksgiving, one of my family members became seriously ill and the situation required immediate attention. I’m happy that they are recovering well now but the impact on my other responsibilities was immediate. I missed some deadlines, forgot social commitments, and generally ignored any activity that wasn’t critical to helping them with their recovery. I put all but one role on hold. And, I’m (mostly) fine with that. I allowed myself to admit I couldn’t do it all and I didn’t judge myself for failing to meet all my goals. My role as a family member was my higher value.

An authentic person is one who is true to themselves and comfortable with who they are. They know their highest values as well as their strengths and weaknesses. They are consistent, reliable, and willing to be vulnerable. They and we know who they are.

It’s no surprise that one of the attributes most highly rated in successful leaders is authenticity.

Authentic leaders are self-aware. They are able to be consistently themselves because they make decisions based on their values, build on their strengths, and are vulnerable enough to accept their imperfections. These leaders inspire trust!

But how many of us feel confident bringing our true selves to our role as leaders? How many of us, women especially, have been advised to mold ourselves into some bland, humourless, impervious, grey suit-wearing version of “leader?” How many nonprofit leaders feel stress and that they are “imposters” as a result?

Many years ago, I worked in an office with a long central corridor. Individual offices opened off the corridor and each had a window into the corridor. One day, I was seized with the impulse to leap across each window as if auditioning (heinously) for Swan Lake. I can’t now recall whether anyone on my team even noticed my woeful grand jetés but I still remember how following that impulse to be silly lightened and improved my day. I was authentically myself and as importantly, I modelled for everyone on staff that our work culture included fun and exuberance.

Leadership is not merely a title or a set of skills; it is a dynamic and multifaceted role that demands you be confidently yourself.

And, p.s. I know you’re amazing!

Three steps to stop the burnout cycle

Three steps to stop the burnout cycle

“It’s happening again! How do I stop from burning out?”

This question really got to me. My client’s comment had me thinking about burnout in a different way, especially about how to prevent recurring burnout.

I also thought about how my client’s question might resonate with you.

Did you know burnout can be a recurring cycle?

Burnout is a Systems Problem

Burnout at work is NOT solely an individual problem. It’s the result of two sets of responsibilities colliding—that of individual employees and employer organizations. It’s a systems problem where workplace environments create recurring problems for individuals that perpetuate a burnout cycle. 

On the one hand, individuals desire balanced lives so that their work and personal lives work harmoniously. Things that contribute to individual burnout include:

  • Striving for perfection
  • Refusing to accept help with heavy family responsibilities
  • Frustration with the lack of autonomy or control over how tasks are completed 
  • Avoidance of tackling difficult relationships 
  • Settling for jobs with low-pay or without appropriate benefits
  • Not receiving appropriate acknowledgement of individual contributions

On the other hand, nonprofit employers want to provide excellent client services while budgets are squeezed tighter than ever. Staff burnout is the result. 

Workplace causes of burnout include:

  • Short-staffing
  • Expecting unreasonable workloads or work hours
  • Offering low rates of pay and lack of appropriate benefits
  • Micromanaging employees
  • Toxic behaviours like workplace bullying
  • Lack of acknowledgment of individual contributions

As nonprofit leaders, we are responsible for both the personal and the organizational issues. 

What can you, as the leader of an organization, do to reduce burnout and interrupt the burnout cycle?

Learn to recognize the common signs of burnout

Burnout at the individual level looks like:

  • Lack of motivation
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Cynicism, irritability, impatience, disillusionment
  • Trouble sleeping
  • Over-reliance on alcohol or drugs
  • No job satisfaction
  • Headaches, stomach issues and other physical complaints
  • Low or no energy

Address the underlying causes of burnout

We need to go deeper than symptoms to stop the burnout cycle. 

It’s incumbent on leaders to be curious about what is at the root of burnout and to address the specifics. Taking the time (and money) to invest in fixing root causes saves the expense of backfilling vacancies that are the result of people being off work due to  burnout. 

Some examples of root causes:

Workloads: can we reorganize or reassign responsibilities? Can we streamline or eliminate tasks? Do we need to stop or downsize some programs or services to meet our staff capacity?

Compensation: are our compensation levels appropriate? What benefits can we offer that require less cash such as additional (paid) time off? 

Toxic behaviours & difficult relationships: do we have a clear zero tolerance policy for workplace bullying and harassment? What additional training or support do team members need to manage toxic behaviours and difficult relationships? What courageous conversations are we avoiding at the expense of everyone and the benefit of a few?

Change behaviours and mindsets to stop the cycle

One common misconception leaders often have is the belief that the best solution for burnout is rest. But, if individuals return from rest and go back to the same workload, with the same mindset, and the same behaviors, they will get the same result. Repeated burnout.

This is true for each of the causes of burnout.

When I look at the burn-out cycle through the Mental Fitness lens, I see how many leaders make decisions driven by their negative inner voices that exacerbate rather than relieve burnout. 

We can call these inner voices by many names; in Mental Fitness we call them Saboteurs because of their negative impact on our mindset.

When we let Saboteurs, like Stickler, Controller or Hyper-Achiever, influence our mindset and our decision-making, we contribute to employees going around the burnout cycle.

How?

  • A leader’s Stickler Saboteur might say that rules are inviolable and can never be changed. 
  • An employee’s Controller Saboteur could be micro-managing their subordinates. 
  • Hyper-Achiever Saboteurs are constantly looking for the next “shiny object” to chase and driving themselves and others to exhaustion.

Recognizing these negative inner voices and learning to shift from a negative to a positive mindset is a crucial step in stopping the burnout cycle in your organization or stopping you from slipping back into burnout.

Conclusion

As leaders, we are responsible for providing physically and mentally healthy workplaces.

To effectively reduce burnout and prevent the burnout cycle, leaders need to revisit the causes and solutions to burnout at both individual and organizational level.

I invite leaders who are motivated to break the cycle of burnout – for your employees, your organization and yourself – to enroll in the Mental Fitness for Nonprofit Leaders course so you can tame those saboteurs. The next course starts in January. Join the waitlist here.

Can’t wait until January? Start now with my new Bust Stress: Mental Fitness Bootcamp starting November 6. Sign up here.

Burnout is really costly for everyone. Let’s acknowledge the TRUE price of it.

Discover the Power of the Present Moment: Overcoming Stress with Mental Fitness

Discover the Power of the Present Moment: Overcoming Stress with Mental Fitness

I’m writing this while sitting on the deck at my family cottage. I’d be writing on the dock but our original dock has finally given up and we’re in the middle of getting a fancy new one.

The old dock has been with us since the early days when my siblings and I would stay in the lake until our lips were blue with cold. And, that thud, thud, thud, of our feet running to the end for a flying leap, is a big part of my memory of those times.

I know the new dock will not sway dangerously if you walk too close to the side or suddenly give way underfoot. But what sound will the new dock make under running feet?

I have to admit that I’ve been dreading this newsletter quite a bit. Not the writing, but the recognition that it is mid-August. The abundance of tomatoes, beans, corn, peaches, and basil at the local farmstand, the nightly cricket song, and the cooler nights are reminders to savour the summer while we can.

The ability to savour the present moment requires intentional attention to our positive senses, feelings, thoughts and actions. When we are overwhelmed, stressed or burnt-out, emotional and physical exhaustion can make it impossible to be present with and enjoy our positive experiences.

If you recognize that stress or burn-out are preventing you from enjoying your life, there are things you can do now that will help:

  • See your doctor to make sure there is no physical illnesses at play.
  • Get more sleep. Everyone needs at least 7 hours of sleep each night.

  • Move your body. Walk around the block or have a solo dance party.

  • Adopt a mindfulness practice like sitting, walking, yoga, or following your breath.

Mental Fitness participants report that the increase in their emotional regulation has helped them to recognize what causes them stress and what to do to reduce it.

They understand how to weaken negative self-talk and strengthen their powers of empathy, curiosity and to take action when needed. They increase their emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and presence.

As a result, they are happier in their careers and relationships, and have a greater sense of purpose and direction.

Registration opens soon for Mental Fitness for Nonprofit Leaders (September 26-November 28.) Places are limited so if you’re interested, click here to save your place.


If you are curious about the benefits of Mental Fitness or how it works, I’d love to you reach out. Book some time on my calendar or send me a note.

Why conditional happiness holds you back from real fulfilment

Did you know that we are at choice about how happy and fulfilled we are?

Yes, truly! We are at choice about how happy we are.

Let me show you what I mean.

Any of these statements sound like you?

  • I’ll be happy when I get that promotion.
  • I’ll be happy when we meet our fundraising target.
  • I’ll be happy when I can afford to take a special vacation.

Were you happier when you got what you wanted? Probably not.

I used to think that I was just one of those people who wasn’t very happy. By any measure, I had lots of the things (good job, car, house) that should make me happy but happiness just didn’t seem to stick. Why was that?

The above statements are examples of conditional happiness—happiness that is contingent on achieving an external goal. Research shows that, on average, conditional happiness is brief and fades over time. Meaning that to recapture conditional happiness, you need to set yourself another achievement, and another. It’s just not sustainable—it’s exhausting and stressful.

So, why isn’t conditional happiness sustainable? It’s because every person has a baseline level of happiness. Achieving conditional happiness will shift your baseline level of happiness temporarily but inevitably it returns to your set level.

As a nonprofit leader, your organization and all its stakeholders rely on you to manage your emotions. If you are constantly seeking happiness, fulfillment, and gratification through external conditions, you’ll bring that state of mind to work. You won’t just set goals, you’ll keep moving the goalposts looking for the next fix of conditional happiness.

But there is a solution.

You can rewire your brain and raise your happiness set level so that you experience happiness more frequently and sustainably.

Let’s take a quick detour and look at the definition of happiness. For my purpose, I’m defining happiness as feeling positive emotions like contentment, gratitude, joy, and compassion. While it is essentially human to experience all types of emotions—pleasant and unpleasant—we don’t need to stay in the unpleasant emotions indefinitely. We can choose to be in command of our emotions.

Research at Positive Intelligence shows that Mental Fitness practice helps to rewire your brain so that pleasant Sage emotions grow stronger and unpleasant emotions generated by our Saboteurs grow weaker.

When we encounter our unpleasant emotions, we are able to experience them AND recover faster so that we don’t get hijacked by anger, sadness, jealousy, or judgement.

We are in command of our emotions and we have quicker access to empathy, curiosity, innovation, and action–all the powers required for skillful and productive leaders. And, you feel sustained pleasant emotions as a result of responding powerfully to life’s challenges.

We are at choice about how happy we are. Mental Fitness provides accessible practices and tools to choose and sustain happiness.


If you are curious about the benefits of Mental Fitness or how it works, I’d love to you reach out; Book some time on my calendar or send me a note.